Emma shares this letter on behalf of her 8 year old autistic grandson Lincoln.
Dear Sir or Madam,
This is a short letter on behalf of my grandson. He is 8 years old and is Autistic. He doesn’t use words himself and doesn’t put a pen or pencil to paper or use a keyboard or keypad.
I do not use words, I am actions.
I cannot tell you any other way just how terrified and overwhelmed I am.
I try to run away because the NOISE all the noises!
Shoes onto pavement
Cars and buses, radios, doors open and shut,
Too many mingled voices,
Birds and barking,
Echoing , vibrating Hurting Me.
I want to scream… I am screaming!
Trying very hard to become calm. I concentrate very hard and my heart beats so fast I feel sick.
All eyes on me. Now I feel you are angry with me.
The smell, all the smells.
Metal, petrol, dust, urine, sweat, perfumes, leather and denim, burgers, fried foods, coffee and meat.
I am spinning and nauseous. This is all too much.
If I opened my eyes and it had snowed, it would be all calm and clean and soft.
It would smell clean and fresh. I like soft, clean and fresh. A thousand sparkles landing gently on hair, nose, eyes and lips. Everywhere and everything. I feel it and taste it. I spin around and around and then stand ever so still taking it all in.
I don’t want to be in busy places. My hand hurts coz you hold on so tight.
I need to run, run where it is soft and green. Then I can lay on my belly and listen to the trees. I see a hundred patterns in the leaves and the grass. I feel taste and smell all the colours in the wind.
When I am trapped indoors I am very sad. Sometimes I hit myself and sometimes I hurt my sister. This is very bad. My sister is little and smells of cake and strawberries. I love her very much.
Soon I will be away from the town and the flats. I will have my own bedroom and a garden too. I will be able to run away from my mum and sister when the voices are hurting and it will be okay because I will still be safe.
Wish there were more safe spaces I could go to. Wish there were parks with more green with doors I can’t open and fences I can’t climb over. There is too much traffic around and I don’t see the path from the road when I am upset or just running.
Mum will not take me near a river or lake because she screams at me that I will drown. Don’t understand why I cannot play in the water. I am so drawn to it and I really don’t mind if it is freezing cold.
Mummy says we need big changes for us to go out and about coz I move 98% of the time and speak with actions.
Having a garden will be really good start for us. So a great big hooray and thank you for that and for taking this time to listen to my Nan.
Without the campaign by ‘The Children’s Disabilities Partnership’ my new home would not be happening.